Courage Is Something I’ll Need Now

Shockingly enough, for once, I am at a loss for words.
This blog will be a struggle for me to write. No one would’ve expected that, eh? That’s one big thing im currently learning — TO HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EXPECTATIONS BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN THE WAY YOU THINK IT WILL, and even if you go into something with ‘no expectations’ you still have a picture in your mind of the way you want things to work out, and when something happens differently than that picture you never thought you had it can blow. Your. mind. Ive seen a lot of things this week, realized I had expectations in places I never believed I did, and have had my mind absolutely blown. From the church service, to a birthday celebrated with my team of lovely ladies whom I adore with my entire heart, from a day spent at a Nicaraguan funeral and a day spent fixing the roads in Bethel, our village, by hand, to the independence day parade — nothing was the way the depths of my mind had expected it to go. (thank you for the birthday wishes and cards by the way; I honestly cried I felt so overwhelmed with love). Nothing is for certain, and just because I have reasonable expectations of a situation does not mean that God has those same intentions.
Sunday night, we went into church in Bethel (pronounced ‘pah-tell’). The room was small, suffocatingly hot, everyone was so passionate for the Lord and singing their hearts out, you could just feel the presence of the most Holy Lord in the overheated confines of the tiny room. We understood barely anything, knew nothing of the songs, (none of this mattered of course; like ive said before; how great is our God for creating the universal language of love — our group didn’t need to understand to be able to praise our Father in the service) and we were randomly asked to go up and sing a song for the congregation, no warning, no idea of anything happening. We sang open the eyes of my heart Lord in English, and of course, even though I was as sick as a dog, snot pouring from my nose like a waterfall, my throat killing me and feeling like im going to pass out, I was handed the microphone to help lead. No expectations, right, even if they are reasonable? God had a bigger plan for my voice and body for the night than I did, apparently.
This is a petty example of only a few mind blowing things ive experienced this week. A small lesson in having no expectations. No expectations.
No expectations.
There are certain things that in my mind, it’s a given that they go a certain way.
Im learning that God is bigger than reasonable moments, my expectations…. That He is dreaming unimaginable dreams for me, and has an intense, unseen purpose for my life, and has huge things in store for me that I might not expect. I never expected to lose my heart to the children in Bethel, as Central America was never a place I felt was set on my heart. I never expected to have my favorite baby girls in Bethel to be 4 and 6 years old, an age group ive never enjoyed. I never expected to love chasing them around in circles, painting their nails, carrying them on my back, sharing frozen chocolate covered bananas with them, watching Pocahontas in Spanish with them. I never expected to love being tackle hugged by children into the dirt, or sit with a Nicaraguan woman close to my own age and converse with her about her husband and her story, about my grandmother, and watch her perfect, beautiful gray-eyed curly-haired boys play in the dirt. I never expected to have my heart wrenched listening to the kids yell ADIOS CATALINA ADIOS CATALINA over and over again. I never expected to have a bed to sleep in, a shower so easily accessible, to have a volcano in my backyard. I never expected to spend a day at a funeral, or spend another day moving rocks by hand to fill in holes in an awful dirt street. NO EXPECTATIONS. Good or bad, no expectations. Our God is not a god that human minds can comprehend.
This week has been hard, and challenging, but its been good.
Like ive said; I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my crazy life. La vida loca 😉 adios mis amigos, gracias para todos. Te queiro mucho. <3