One of my biggest frustrations in Nicaragua was feeling like I wasn’t doing anything – like I was just part of another missionary group passing through Bethel, that someone else had done exactly what I was doing and in a few moments, someone else would be there in my stead, and I was just passing through unnoticed.
Since arriving in the Philippines, my team has witnessed a World Race team leave from this place to go home, a group of missionaries from South Korea come and go, and Austrailian team come in that will soon be leaving, and another Passport team that’s been here longer than us will be leaving within the next few weeks.
I don’t discredit short term missions at all, I think they’re a beautiful thing and everyone should do them, if that’s what the Lord is calling you to do – then go. Go, and let your life be wrecked in every way possible.
But I’ve let the devil creep into my mind while sitting around being sick, in this sense, again – what am I doing here to help? Will these people even remember who I am after I’m gone? Why has the Lord brought me here?
I’ve been praying, also, in the midst of this sickness which has disabled me of doing ANYTHING that the Lord teaches me something.
He has.
I’ve sacrificed a lot of my 'rights' to come on this trip and be a part of something bigger than I am – to wear what I want, do what I want, go home, have my parents, to drive a car– a lot of simple, everyday things.
My relationship, and living for Christ is a lot the same.
I’ve realized that I don’t have the right to be remembered, to make a difference, to be a hero, to be someone special, to even be on this trip. It’s not my right to change the world.
But I’ve chosen into something bigger than I am – the heart of Christ. And if He wants me to be remembered, I will be. If He wants me to make a difference, I will. If He wants me to be someone’s hero, you’d better believe I’m going to be. If He wants the Jaz girls to remember that team isREAL helped remodel their new home, they will. If He wants me to save the world, I’ll save the world.
None of these things truly matter. What truly does matter is God, and what He’s doing. That I seek wholeheartedly after Him and His Word, that I live every day for Him, that I let Him change my life and let Him use me. His Kingdom and His Name don’t need my help, at all. He is all-powerful, omnipotent, not in need of anything I can give. It’s a privilege that I don’t deserve in any way to be called His daughter and share in His life. My desire to be remembered and be something to someone is a selfish desire I sacrificed to myself when I decided to be a part of something bigger than my tiny little existence. I’m here solely to serve His Name, and, for such a time as this, the ministry where I’m currently living. There’s no use in living a life in which I’m fearful of being forgotten, because then I’ll never allow Him to use me in the ways He wants to. I need to allow His perfect love to cast out all of my fear. I need to live in His Name, giving everything I have where I am, loving everyone I meet with everything I have.
