You Can Get More Money, But You Can’t Get More Time.

As my time in the Philippines draws to a close, I figure that its about high time i do a Final Filipino Funtastic Phenomenal Fact Filled blog. At least, I hope that its all of those things. It very well may not be, but. Well see.

Im getting wierdly nostalgic as I think about what Im going to say, and i really dont know what it is the Lord is going to use these words for/i have no idea where this is going. Whatever it is Im about to write…. i hope its His words, not mine.

lets take a step back in time for a second, and reminsice…..

its a school day, senior year. 
6:07 – alarm goes off, is ignored. Abby kicks the bunk, i finally turn it off.
6:12 – get out of bed and go to the bathroom.
6:17 – shower.
6:36 – exit the shower, having nodded off in the shower. Dress. Frantically put makeup on and do hair.
7:07 – finish, leave the bathroom.
7:16 – leave for school.
7:23 – arrive at school.
7:25 – hang out in the choir room with my friends until 7:40 when the bell rings, walk to statistics.

ill stop there, because the rest of my day would basically go minute by minute until 2 am. yes, 2 am. it seems to be i have a sleeping problem. between musical, a capella, musical lessons of some sort, church, anything…. my watch was my best friend. i had the same watch for almost 2 years, and i never took it off. not many people knew it, but i was obsessive compulsive about time. i had to set my alarm to a number that ended in a seven. if i was late, my whole day was ruined and i was annoyingly cranky. i always was at least 20 minutes early to everything, and would get annoyed if the lessons before me were running late and if mine were running late.

this overlapped into other areas of my life, as well. i wished away high school while i was there, because i felt like i was wasting time. i never spent time at home with my family because there was so much to do. i was determined that i wasnt going to go to college, because four years is too much time i could be doing other things, like going out and saving the world. every male was a potential future husband canidate because i was determined to get married young- why waste time being single when you could be with the person you love for more time if you got married sooner? and when timing didnt work out exactly the way i planned, i was devastated. i was obsessed with time.

i thought that i would automatically lose my concept of time as soon as i stepped foot out of the United States, but that wasnt the case. i would check my watch every half an hour exactly when we were in Bethel. i would count the days in between talking to certain people on the internet. i would write blogs exactly a week apart. i would count down the days and the weeks until debrief. in places where time doesnt exist, i would find ways to make it.

anyway, my watch was stolen. i honestly dont know when (oh, the irony), but it was awhile ago in Boracay.

at first, i felt like i had lost my identity. it was tragic and terrible…. and then suddenly…. life made so much more sense. it was like the Lord had given me a new pair of eyes to see everything how it truly is.

His timing is perfect, so why should i fret?
Why does it matter what time it is, when i have a beautiful girl sitting next to me on the ground, giggling away?
Why does it matter what weekday it is, when every single one of them is equally as important and equally filled with 24 equal hours?
Why does it matter what numbered day it is, when the Lord has me in this specific place, for such a time as this, and when i come and go is all in His plan?
What is four years of college in context to 90 years of life?
why would i want to get married young when theres so much out there to do by myself i would never be able to do again if i got married so soon?
why does it matter if the ride is late, if it takes me to where im going?
what are a few minutes in the span of eternity?

its funny, how the Lord used such a simple little material object making its way out of my possession to teach me so much. 

when thinking about what i was going to write, i asked my darling Yungcah for some inspiration. in a Yungcah, my mom roolz, mothers know best kind of way she responded "what have you learned in the Philippines?"

ive learned that time is in Gods hands, and no matter how much i obsess over it, there is nothing i can do to change the fact that a clock still ticks, and each tick is in the Lords Will. ive learned theres a difference between needing to know the time and date for a deadline or appointment and obsessing to the point of losing sleep over ticks on a watch. ive learned that there is so much time, and that there is no rush for my life to get anywhere. its not time thats important to God – its how i use it. and the time ive spent worrying about time, has, in itself, done exactly what i was afraid of – wasted time. wasted time i couldve spent investing in my family, wasted time i couldve been investing in the relationships that still invest in my life, wasted time i couldve spent reading my bible or on my face in prayer. ive learned that time is the most special gift that you can give; time is the most precious thing you can gift to a girl whos never known what its like to have someone pour into them.

it seems like i just got here yesterday, but at the same time, so much of it seems so long ago. 3 1/2 months until i hug my family seems like nothing at all, but 4 days til Africa seems like an eternity. 1 more country left has me thinking about driving my car when i get home, whats the first thing i want to eat, my mom and dads faces when they see me for the first time, but 2 countries down has been a painful adventure leading to a brand new Caitlinn Renee.

time, to me, does not exist anymore. which may eventually turn into a huge problem…. but for right now, its good 🙂 its really good, and im not going to spend time worrying about the future when i have this moment to live to its fullest and a crazy good God who has everything under control 🙂