Lets begin with a story.
its a typical end of the day at souderton high school and me, maddie, luke, spencer, mike, nicole, will and laura are all hanging out in the choir room waiting for the bus traffic to die down. a game that we like to play around these parts (a shout out to James Ofalt for creating it : Pass the Pharoah and Pass the Riff) is Pass the —–. Today, it was Pass the Caitlinn. For the second time. Not really enthralled with this, as the previous game (which consists of picking up Caitlinn off the ground and throwing her from one persons arms to the next) had messed up my hair, i ran. I grabbed onto the doorframe of the choir room leading into the practice room hallway trying to swing myself around and gain momentum to get away from Mike. My plan was golden, except for the part where i grabbed onto the doorframe right at the place the door latches onto the wall (that little metal thing that sticks out) and one of my rings got caught on the metal. I my momentum swung me around, my ring was still stuck on the door, and my entire body smashed into a wall of windows. I don't really remember much after that as i passed out a few seconds later: i aparently said a few ridiculous things when i woke up like "WHAT IF I CAN NEVER PLAY PIANO AGAIN?!" and asked the nurse which eye she wanted me to look at the light with, and i still wanted to walk by myself and go to a capella even though i couldn't stand. I spent a good amount of time in the ER getting CT scanned and X-Rayed, and being laughed at technicians who were baffled by the fact an 18 year old could run into a wall and get knocked out.
good times. good times. God has blessed me with some great friends and some interesting stories, thats for sure.
on a more serious note; reflecting back on my ridiculous story, i began to think.
Life is fleeting. We, as human beings, have this absurd perception that we have eternal time on this planet, a vision our round clocks elude to. What we fail to comprehend is that its not THIS life that is eternal- its the next. There's a saying going around : YOLO – You Only Live Once. People say this as backing to doing stupid things like getting drunk and smoking weed and sleeping around: basically living irresponsibly. If you only live once…. why wouldn't you live in a way that makes a difference? That would change the world? That would help someone? The fact of the matter is…. YOLTLO. You Only Live This Life Once. And this life is fleeting. So we need to make it count. We need to live our lives in accordance to His word, and glorify Him in everything we do, because its the next life thats eternal. and its that one that matters even more. God gives, and God takes away. Anything that we know on this earth can change in a snap. In an instant. He does not. He is unchanging. He could take away my gifts to sing and play piano in an single instant.
He's given me these incredible gifts and opportunities, and a beautiful life, and i dont intend to waste them. Im not going to live under the misconception that my life on this earth is eternal, and that i have all the time in the world. Because I dont. So im going to put myself out there, do crazy things for His Kingdom, and hopefully live a life that He can be proud of.
Sometimes, we need to be hurt (physically or emotionally) before we realize how precious something is. Having two fingers taped together for a week was a real inconvienience. i struggled to do my daily things like put on makeup and play piano. It made me have a greater appreciation for just having two hands that properly function. For being able to play an instrument. Realizing that our time here is really short, but its still precious, and that anything can change in a split second. It took my heart being broken for me to realize how precious my life is; how there are so many great adventures and opportunities out there that i dont want to miss, and that i wouldve missed if i hadnt had been crushed. It made me realize how precious my life and time is – and how i dont want to waste it settling for a guy who doesnt treat me right and who limits my dreams. I have no limit, and i have huge dreams. And it took my heart being broken to come to this conclusion. It took my heart being broken for me to realize that i was limiting myself in all my other relationships, as well : my amazing family who i love so much, the people around me in school and choir. id be so lost without these amazing human beings that id been taking for granted and not putting my whole heart into these relationships. and i was embarrassed for a long time about this, but God has been good, and its been wierd these past few months to say that "i always was the kid who couldnt wait to get the heck out of here. now, i dont want to leave my family. i have real friends at school who have blessed me beyond anything they know. i actually like school, and souderton, and i love being a part of the choir and a capella and musical. no, im not excited to graduate, but i know i have to and im excited for my adventures with God in the future that i know i couldnt have if i stuck around here, unwilling to leave. its bittersweet."
Again, my time here is fleeting. I have no idea at all when ill be called home, or if Jesus will come back. But until then…. im going to attempt to seize each day for Him, and live each day like its my last. Because you never know. And i dont want to live a boring, limited life that im not happy with. I have the joy of Christ in my heart, and because of that, im going to make this fleeting time worthwhile, and allow myself to be used to change things that other people wouldnt dare to dream of.
here i am, God, send me <3
isaiah 6:8 🙂
